“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”  

♦  So i suppose that's [the above statement] is most girls fantasy, or at least a secret want. I believe that i think i found it.  no matter WHAT people say i do have someone like this. and he is great.... in a 'you got mail' kinda way....you know how tom hanks says stuff like,
      
          Joe Fox: You know, sometimes I wonder...
          Kathleen Kelly: What? 
          Joe Fox: Well... if i hadn't been "Fox Books" and you hadn't been "The Shop Around  the  Corner," and you and I had just met...
          Kathleen Kelly: I know.
          Joe  Fox: Yeah, yeah. I would've asked for your number. And I wouldn't have been able to wait   24 hours before calling you up and saying, Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie... for as long as we both shall live? 
            Joe Fox: Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.

Stuff like that is what life and love is suppose to be filled with, i am almost sure....  Although, i know that it is what makes me wanna write.... it is what makes me feel when i write. its more than just  a short story or a peice of prose.... its feelings and movement and life.  things that are too pure and too good and sometimes bare too much hurt to be anything less than a manipulation of my mind. but yu know what, they help me slep at ngiht so cant really complain. riiiight.  i suppose so. and they give me a sense of being, my work and wrtiting comes alive with every key stroke. every laye night i stay awake typing at my computer, every cookie crumb that findits self into the key board of my laptop.   Some days i still need the clearest indicatiopn..... errrrggggggg

More when i return to nfld... or oncei get net access should be ike five days or so.... YAY!!!! lots to do lots to see, lots to take care of.

See ya on the island......

€
ephram

STILL I SYDNEY.....  UH YEH LOCATION....

so another day another sunset.....  or well at least another sunrise.  i like it better that way,  yeh sunrise.  So about the sunries i have, for some reason, been actually up to see them.  yeh i think it was Tuesday [ you completely lose like almost a day when you take the argenta ferry from nfld to Sydney ns] monday the 14 [the day we left for sydney] i got up at like 6:30 and hopped in the tub because well my legs and knees hurt like fire, from all the walking... st. johns has TOO many hills. Especially downtown. i felt like i was gonna die. but i am kinda better, the ferry was so uncomfy.... the seats sucked... and did yo know that everything is bolted down???? i wonder why? hummmm, maybe its because the boat is so unsteady and everything kinda moves around a bit...  and sometimes you mgiht get seasick... just a bit of rolling stomach... only a tad.  i was so excited to get on solid ground, ohhhh ground i said as i dropped my knapsack. 

So i am kinda missing th city though..... i mean a bit rather a lot. i am just so used to things there, and its strange. and no where in the east coast can you get the Toronto feel. i kinda miss everything... a lot. i mean i am dealing, its not a crippling pain in my side but it is a though to the fact that i miss the city, i miss the streets, the sounds, the faces, the muti-culturalness of it all. the fact that there as an actual china town with actual Chinese food, like how they make the kum-pow chicken.... the right way. with the orange sauce, and the actual peices of chicken sliced and then fried with the tangy sauce... but here it is different. and there is no orange sauce.... at least not at china town eatery.  Go figure with a name like that huh? strange i know. or well kinda fucked.... in the head.

So i misss my people, my friends, my best friend, my family, my mom, ohhhh its so weird without her, she cried at the airport... helped me pack my bags and carry ons, and told me time and time again that if i needed her all i had to do was call.  and she gave me her Jade hoop on the silver chain, and i kinda cried. and James looked all somber, and hugged me goodbye.... and to me he'd see me soon and to be safe...  my dad and super-cool Genie.  God, i miss my parents, all four of them. And my sister, she wouldn't even hug me goodbye, she was so unstable... and very sad... we went out to dinner. The night before i left on my early am flight, it was just the three of us, the way my last night should have been....  a suppose a toast to all the in between years. Maybe a toast of some sort.  either way things seemed to be okay until Saturday night when i really hit the bottom of my mind.  i really missed home that night, i cant really describe it, i missed everything about home, the smells and the feeling of being safe and close to those i loved. and the city has a whole different feel than any other, i miss toronto traffic, i miss being a train away from anywhere, i miss being able to know where i am, and where the streets take me.... i miss having the ability to navigate where i am at any particular point, and to navigate where i need to be and how long in minutes or hours it will take me to get there, and i miss the city life... i miss the city of life.  the east coast is weird...  i still think i should have done thing differently this year.... i shouldn't have been so afraid to lose people i love, i shouldn't have been so fucking sacred or careful.... what did my indecision get me. just a best friend who doesn't understand my choices and an ex who think i did them wrong... when it took to get so fucked... and a family who can decided if they hate my best friend for what she did or didn’t want me to do, either way i think it all my fault anyway.... that what I’ve been told by m very best friend anyway, fuck 'em all.  it really doesn't matter anymore. Last year, is well just that. Its the middle of august the year is more than half over...... i get to end this summer my way unlike last summer.  both very interesting... last summer ending in a break up of almost decade long friends.... and possibly a relationship..... and this one ends in the two relationship people find their place in the world. and it just happens to be in st. johns... who ever would have though this city girl tamed, and situated in the east coast...  me with my ruby red hair... my baggy pants, my raver beads and small hands but BIG dreams, interesting very interesting 

i am hopefully LEAVING THIS  fucking horrible place tomorrow in the afternoon or late AM,  i will have full net acess soon in like 5 days at my place in nfld.

good times, turn signals, ferry boats, over priced soda, and cheese popcorn adn tide laundry detergant and super cookies.... and very expanisive culinary schools and well duh, knives that are sharp and white chef hats....

nighty- night....
safe travels and pretty sunrises.
♥ €

-Ephram